Things I've learned (so far) in Germany

I'm a tripper. I don't I mean I fall a lot, I don't freak out about stuff for no reason but I do, inexplicably take FOREVER to figure shit out. Let's put it this way; if I met a woman in a bar that had a fist sized Adam's Apple and 3 days stubble it's possible that I wouldn't figure "Cinnamon" was a dude til "she" was at the urinal next to me.

I feel like I trip and fall through life, I skin my palms, I rip the knees out of my new jeans, that kinda stuff. Next year I'll figure out shit most 23 year-olds knew a decade ago. With that said here are a few things I've learned since I've gotten here, if it's common knowledge re-read the first paragraph.

1) Coffee comes in 1 size and it's not enough. Not by a damn sight and they fill it up just below half-way in the "to-go" cup. It always costs 1.70, order 2.

2) You can't walk around the block. You can try but you'll turn nine times and get lost thrice. Nothing is square, parallel or equidistant. Positive you're walking north? it's south west. If you turn right when you leave my house you will be inside the city walls in 11 minutes if you turn left, about 4, they are equal as the crow flies. I'm thinking it wormholes.

3) Don't bother bringing electronics outside of your laptop. Bulbs don't work in lamps, converters are expensive and bulky, a toaster might start the house next door on fire somehow...I'm scared to try the smoothie machine

4) The Euro is a buck, stop converting it in your head, it'll just make you crazy

5) If you're in a bar watching futbol, don't pick a side unless you're willing to fight about it

6) The walls are so thick in our apartment it's insane. You know that game "Florida or Germany"? it exists because you can't hear anything through the walls. The screams of the third hobo the guy next door is carving up will never be heard through the foot and a half of concrete, brick and mortar that makes up these 500 year old apartment buildings. They ain't standin' cuz they didn't make 'em good.

7) The hours are on the 24 clock. Ask Sven to meet you at 5:30, you're thinking after Cheers re-runs and before the evening news, he's thinking before the roosters start looking for people to wake up, you meant 17:30, dick.

8) Sunday is for quietly being at home, or loudly being at a festival. There is no in between. Most stores are closed, the streets are empty and it's the only time parking is plentiful. If you need food on a Sunday, you're eating eight Nuremberg brats on a bed of kraut and 1 piece of farmer brot (bread) in a huge tent next to a family of 8 in Leiderhosen that is all smoking, drinking and singing. Sing with them, they don't care that you don't know the words or the tune, you're not gonna remember anyway.

9) When you're looking for parking, stop where ever you feel like. If someone honks after 5 seconds keep going and try another spot, if no one honks, you're good, you can leave your car there indefinitely...or 'til you lose it to Turkish gangsters.