What's Up Amsterdam 03-25-13

This week Nate and Jonathan expound upon Passover, Mouwes, Parck Café, South Side Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, making matzo at the Jewish Historical Museum, restaurant week, Pink Flamingos, Holly Herndon, Free walking tours with Sandemans, Winson Kingdom, Rene SG, Beastie Boys Café Pak Haus Wilhelmina, Rock and Roll Circus at Westerpark, We Love the 80’s, Paradiso, Dudok Ensemble, De Duif, Bollywood Dance Lessons, Artis Royal Zoo and the Bach Choir.

 MONDAY 25^th

First night of Passover - Maybe you want to know where you can get Matzoh meal before sundown. The truth is, in Mokum, there aren’t a helluva lot of choices. But for the last 200 years there has been Mouwes. Actually there’s are few kosher stores and restaurants in this neighborhood called Buitenveldert. 

Mouwes has everything you need to make a seder. 

Here is a big list of Jewish places of interest in Amsterdam compiled by the Dutch Jewish community. Happy Passover.

Meanwhile, the non-chosen are free to go get burgers and play trivia at Parck tavern at 428 Overtoom. Trivia starts at 8:30. 5 people per team, 2.50 per person. Here is a link to pictures of their hamburgers 

TUESDAY 26^th

I know where the Jukes are from but to find out where John is from you’ll have to ask the man himself and here’s your chance, South Side Johnny and the Asbury Jukes are at Paradiso tonight. You can see South Side and Co for only 24.50 plus the 3.50 shake down. 

I talked about the Jewish Historical Museum a couple of weeks ago. Just wanted to point out that starting today, they’re going to be doing Matzoh baking for kids in their children’s museum for the whole week of Passover.

Restaurant Week is back like fanny packs and calculator watches. Until April 7th you can go to some of the best restaurants in town for € 27.50 for a 3-course dinner or € 22,50 for a 3-course lunch again. Go to here to make reservations 

WEDNESDAY 27th

Here’s your chance to see the John Waters trash cinema classic Pink Flamingos on the big screen.

The good people at Melkweg Cineville (across the street from Melkweg, just off Leidseplein) are hosting this classic dry-heave fest tonight at 8 pm. You have been warned. €8 

HOLLY HERNDON with MAAN and Ignatz

Watch this video, you will know if this is for you soon enough. If it is, go enjoy yourself and support art. If it isn’t, re-evaluate the decisions that have gotten you this far.  

OT301, Amsterdam 8:30 €8/Free for Subbacultcha! Members

THURSDAY 28th

An organization called Sandemans claim to have the walking tours in the city and guess what, they’re free!!

“How is that possible?” you’re probably axing yourself.

“It isn’t” I reply. They work for tips and only a soulless MONSTER wouldn’t tip these hard working youngsters after they march your ass around Mokum explaining its history. Ph 020-7589422 Email : amsterdam@neweuropetours.eu

RENE SG + SWEET EMPIRE + LAST ADVICE at Winston Kingdom

Watch this video from Rene SG and tell me you don’t want to go to this show. This is rockandfuckinroll cooked down to rocket fuel.

BLAST OFF!! €8 Euro

FRIDAY 29th

Dudes, you can travel the world and see as many Beastie Boys cover bands as possible and but you will probably never see one as good as the one that’s playing tonight at Café Pak Huis Wilhelmina.

Bar at 8:00 show at 10:00 €7.50

It’s a 3 day rock and roll circus hosted by Pacific Parc at Westerpark. I’m talking about 18 bands in a carnival tent. All these links go to youtube videos. Find a bad one, I double dog dare you.

Friday 29: Slow Jeff and the Tears  Happy Demons  Pignose Willy's  Orgaanklap   Breakin' Levees  Check 1-2

Saturday 30: Jack Torrero  Drip Dry man & the Beat Revolver  Fuz  Cheap Thrills  Local Spastics  The Apple Jacks

Sunday 31: Rockerbox  White Slice  Hosenfefer  Good Old Habit  Gewapend Beton  Anomalys  Missiles of October

Get there before 7 and it’s free, offer to pay anyways.

Get there at 7:01 and it’s €7.50 

Girls Just Want To Have Fun so why not Walk Like and Egyptian down to the Love Shack and Come On Eileen? Right off Leidseplein, Paradiso is hosting  We Love 80's, a disco night with DJs spinning the greatest hits from the 80s. Vogue like Madonna is watching or Beat It.  

Weteringschans 6-8 Doors at 11:30 €10 including the shakedown

SATURDAY 30^th

The Dudok Ensemble is performing the Frühfassung version (Bach’s initial draft) of Bach’s St. Matthew's Passion, so this is like getting the missing Bach demos.

De Duif, 3:30 pm €28

 SUNDAY 31^st

Shake what your karma gave ya! Get a Bollywood Dance lesson today from Vyjayanthi Iyer  model, actress, dancer and choreographer from Mumbai, India. There is literally no way this isn’t fun.

6:30 to 7:30pm € 12 euro limited to 12 people, so sign up with due haste.

Easter Sunday is here and just about every petting zoo in town is planning fun stuff for the kiddies today, including Easter Egg hunts all of them are listed here.

Artis Royal Zoo always has a ton of fun stuff scheduled during Easter, this year check out:

Easter treasure hunt: Friday through Sunday between 12:00 and 14:00. 

***BE GENTLE*** Cuddling baby chicks: Sunday and Monday from 13:30 to 14:15 and from 14:45 to 15:30 at the Ark classroom. Play with and pet chicks, guinea pigs, bunnies, mice and more!  ***BE GENTLE***

From egg to chicken: Sunday and Monday from 11:00 to 16:00. Come to the ‘Oude Broedmachinehuis’ to see how baby chicks make their entrance into the world.

Finally, The Bach Choir of the Netherlands will be presenting their annual presentation of the St. Matthew Passion on authentic period instruments.

It sounds like this:

There are two shows this Sunday at: 1:30pm and 7:00pm

Prices are 50 - 55 euros and this will sell out, get your tickets now!!

 

Until next time, be excellent to each other,

Nate and Jonathan

 

Check out this episode!

Tennerite and Christmas with Dan

A couple days ago I told you guys about shooting exploding targets.
As promised, here is the video of that.

Enjoy.

Christmas 2012 Part 1: The Midwest

My family lives in Wisconsin and Tiff's lives in Orange County so we split trips home into two parts. This means when we go home for the holidays we need full on jackets and boots as well as swim trunks and sneakers. This blog is for Wisconsin. The place I am from.

In Chicago my Aunts Sandra and Laura and their husbands met up with my cousins Lisa and Lori and their boyfriends for pizza at Lou Malnetti's. It was difficult to write that sentence and I'm not sure I did it correctly. The left hand side of this picture has known me since birth, the right since I was 4 or 5. This is the first time they have met. One of my cousins has a son who is 17 that I've never met. This is reasonable for Mid-westerners. We tend to have family we rarely see but can still enjoy a meal with.

Aunt Laura drove us to Madison where we rented a car, I then used that car to drive Tiffany and I to this place where I stole a rock for my Gramma Lila. She collects rocks from interesting places. I promised her a rock from this place over a decade ago, and finally made good on my promise. I'm a man of my word.

Then Tiff and I snapped this picture at someplace really far from where I got the rock. A place not connected at all. For legal reasons.

Then we drove north and I took this picture of the place where I had Vacation Bible School. I was going to make a joke about how it looked the same, but the building has clearly seen better days. We went there for a couple weeks for a couple summers. I wonder who paid for the kids to be there, where they came from and why they did it. Looking back they could have only been 16 or 17. Is there a Reddit AMA for I taught Vacation Bible School?

It was a couple miles down the road from my house. We rode our bikes there. Unsupervised. And nothing bad ever happened. It was non-denominational. They pretty much just taught the Golden Rule, which is a solid rule. Jonah and the whale, the moral lessons. No fire and brimstone, no pro life, no Jesus juice. Songs, crafts, kickball, Kool-Aid and see you kids tomorrow. 

This was my grandpa's dog, now it's my Aunt Laura's. His name is Lassie. He's a good dog and he smells like dust, which to me, smells like home. My Gramma Jo and Granpa Bob always had collies and they always smelled like dust. I like that smell.

Later that week I took this picture of the first motorcycle I ever rode. From 2-9 years old, I put MILES on this hog. It was at the ball diamond. When I was a kid softball was a big deal. All the bars had men's team and a women's team and they would play at softball diamonds all over the place. They had rules like if you knock over the pitcher's pitcher of beer, it's a home run. This motorcycle has been sitting on the same spring since before 1977.

I played Dominoes with my Granny, Tiff and my step dad, Dan. I won and I took her money...If she couldn't afford it, she should not have gambled.

I also recorded most of the evening. I like to listen to her tell stories and she has one of the world's greatest laughs. Now I will have it forever.

 This is me, Dan and Gram. Not in that order, I'm in the middle. I forget, until I see a picture how much taller I am than they are. My Gram has been exactly the same for at least 35 years. She went to Israel last year and is probably coming to Amsterdam this year. She does Yoga, rides her bike, snow shoes and saw the Great Depression. You should ASPIRE to be her.

The next day Dan gave Tiffany this gun to shoot at these crazy exploding targets he had. I showed them to my friend David the Scientist who broke them down chemically. He also told me there are two types of people who get into Chemistry; junkies and pyromaniacs. He was a pyro. 

I shot a video of it exploding. I'll post it later.

Dan and I shot trap. I was not as good as I used to be, but I used to be REALLY good. I could regularly go 9 for 10 but I was lucky to hit 6 that day. We talked a lot about guns and gun control on this trip. This was only a few days after Newtown and I had a lot of questions. Dan told us stories of how easy it is to buy parts at gun shows to make fully automatic guns and how the government has created demand for bullets by making threats of bans instead of tightening loop-holes.  

After shooting we put together a 500 piece puzzle that seemed to be 1 piece short, or I don't understand puzzles. Both are possible. I mean I didn't count the pieces and it's possible that all puzzles are like this and it's also possible that the tree had a blemish that looks exactly like a puzzle piece.

While we were there I cleaned my childhood bedroom for the first time in 18 years. I feel bad saying this, but I burned a bunch of books. Mainly old text books, like how to use Photoshop 2.0 and a water damaged English comprehension book. I kept an old uni-directional Sims snowboard in case they need one for the museum and I donated everything else; Beastie Boys bootleg cassettes, a guitar case, A bunch of Life In Hell books to a local thrift shop.

The next day we got cheese curds, at the dairy I was fired from (twice) and then drove thorough this snow storm to get to my Aunt Marj's house to hang out for the day. The drive to her house takes 40 minutes, we made it in just over 2 hours. This is a main road by the way.

That night we went to have dinner with my cousin Ron and his family. He has 6 kids all with HUGE personalities, they're pretty rad. In this picture there are 3 of them. I am Uncle Jungle Gym to them. They are monkeys.

The next day we drove to Madison and had dinner with my sister Stacy I didn't get any pictures with her and I'm kinda bent about it but we had dinner with her and her family. Later on, I saw Flywheel Jesse but he had to go to work early the next morning so he couldn't hang out too long.

This is Valerie, Deegan, Tiffany and myself at the end of Deegan's birthday party, but the beginning of his birthday. He was nice enough to move it up a day so we could hang for it. He's a good dude and my sister seems to like him.

The next day we had lunch at a restaurant near the Capitol of Wisconsin. It was cold as all get out but we walked down State St. I used to hang out on State St all the time, there was a while there when I didn't pay for anything, not a cup of coffee, a pair of shoes or CD if I didn't want to, I was the hook up KING. Now I don't recognize 90% of the stores. I bought hot chocolate from a place that ONLY makes chocolate. It was next to a store that sold wooden iPhone cases.

The next day Tiff and I got on a bus headed back to Chicago. We caught a 1 o'clock flight to Orange County. We'll pick up there next time. 

68: Under Covers. A Century Club Special

In a special episode Nate and Tiff welcome Sara and Jesse Marsh to play Century Club (1 shot of beer per minute for 100 minutes) while playing cover songs from these catergories: 1) Awesome cover, your favorite one 2) Did not need to be done 3) Better than the original 4) By someone you know 5) From a soundtrack 6) Rock version of a country song or vice versa 7) You gotta hear this one

67: The Pregnancy Pact

Nate's sister Sara and her husband Jesse fly into Amsterdam for Thanksgiving and a movie trivia challenge. Blood flows like...well, blood.

66: You're Not Doing So Well, Work Harder

Tiff's back from Germany, our friend Amber stops by. Moving sucks so Obama decides to win again, Willard do NOT see that coming. Gramma moves in with Ted Nugent Tiff gives Obama the Myers Briggs by proxy Football (soccer) movie test Me and this mentally challenged gentleman would like 4000 dollars worth of candy please.

Check out this episode!

65: Redeptioned, Shawshank Style

Nate and Tiff deconstruct Charlie Murphy.
Tiff finally sees Shawshank Redemption.
Do we have mice?
Tiff tests Nate on action movies.
Nate huffs welding fumes with an old pro.
Felix Baumgarten jumps from space.

Episode 64: Valerie Married Her Father

Description
Friends are EXPENSIVE, Nate gets a job, "I am familiar with porn", Valerie married her father, name that rom com and more.

PLEASE subscribe on iTunes, tell your friends and like us on Facebook.

 Thanks for listening.

Episode 63: Compton House Party

Subscribe on iTunes and leave a comment, yeah? Click here to see us on iTunes

Better than Goodwill, we hope

Why am I sitting alone? This is hilarious!!

Um, I bitch slapped a porcupine....nine times

Mud walking, you only do it once.

You stole 3.1 MILLION and that's your haircut??

Episode 62: I Sent You a Postcard Gramma

Joe and Nick from The Found Footage Film Fest stop by for a chat, Nick explains how it works, Joe shares his new postcards.
http://foundfootagefest.com/
Follow the boys on Twitter

@jojopickett  

@nickprueher

Layover Reservations Episode 1: Shanghai

Check out Nate's new travel show "Layover Reservations"
A short film with facts and observations about someplace Nate and Tiff have recently visited.
The first episode is Shanghai, China.

61: The Trilogy Closes

The Trailer

The Show

Herring.

Herring? It's good.
Really, when is the last time you ate one?
Last Christmas
They must be awesome.

60: The Heart Attack, Man

Animal cruelty in China, fistfights in Pargue, the Opera and much, much more!!

An Old School Blog About China Part 1

 We're in China, just accept that fact so I can start in the middle without a whole bunch of airport talk and time change blah blah blah. We got into Shanghai from the airport by taking a bullet train called the Maglev. It's like, dumb fast. It goes 301 kilometers per hour (187 MPH) which turns a 45 minute ride into a 6 minute blur, no foolin'. 

We're staying with Cat, a friend from Germany who now lives in The French Concession area of Shanghai.

This is Cat

We did a bunch of cool stuff in Shanghai and I'll write about it someday but for right now, hold your horses, Boris. We've been here for a couple days and it's time to catch the train to Beijing.

You, are now caught up. Congratulations, take a sip of your drink.

Cheers!

 We said our goodbyes to Cat and leave her and some new friends at a beer festival where we've been watching grown men play a drinking game called “Boat Race”. It's the same game that makes Paul Rudd vomit all over Vince Vaugh in the movie "I Love You, Man." It makes me want to vomit just watching. It's the kind of game that doesn't have a winner, despite the cheers.

 We hail a cab back to Cat’s house to collect our things. The cab drops us off a couple blocks away from the apartment and we were told in broken English that the house was a few blocks behind us, he had misread the number. As the cab pulled away I realized that were not even on the correct street. We take off walking in the direction we had come from, figuring the enemy you know is better than the one you don’t. We find a store with signs written in English, I inquire inside and am given quick directions to Wu-Kang Lu. If our friend’s street name wasn’t so close to Wu-Tang Clan we might still be wandering around Shanghai’s hazy nights.

After packing our things we get into another cab and point out the train station on a map. The writing is too small for our cabbie to read and he begins to laugh. Although it is at our bad fortune to get in a cab with a man too poor to afford simple reading glasses, we must admit, it is sort of funny and we laugh too. Ha. Ha. Ha. I try to take a close up picture of the map, it has the words in Chinese and maybe I can blow it up on my phone and show the guy but the picture comes out blurry, I even make the “choo, choo” noise but he can’t understand and we’re sunk. As we un-load our bags from the cab I get the idea to show him our train tickets.
He raises 1 finger and says "ahhhhhh" I assume this means he understands, or thinks I am Number One Ok American Joe Doctor.
He flags down another cabby, and confirms that we need a train and we're back in business.
“Okay!” he says.
“Okay? Train?” says I, making the train noise again.
“Okay.” He says, putting our bags back in the car.
 “Okay?” I say, just making sure we agree.
 “Okay.” He says, just because it's the only English we both know.
 “Okay” I say, resigning our future into the hands of a man who shares exactly ONE word of communications with me which includes "ahhhhhhh" as it is not technically a word and more of an onomatopoeic sound, like bonk or wikes.

He laughs, closes the trunk and drives us 40 minutes to the train station. Tiffany, meanwhile is following every turn on the map with her finger just to make sure we're headed in the right direction. She puts the map down as we pull into the train station. After paying the equivalent of 3 euros we say goodbye and a nice man with a cart comes and takes our bags. He has on a snazzy blue one-size-fits-all hardware-store style smock, we assume he works for the train station and allow him. At the base of the stairs he tells us with simple hand gestures that we can leave all our belongings with him and pick them up in Beijing for 50Y we say no, we want our stuff with us. He drops the price to 35Y, we say no again and he’s disgusted and walks away. I try to give him 1Y for his trouble but he’s pissed that we took up his time.

Train Station

 --On a quick side note, I'm sure this man was reputable and I'm sure that people let him take their luggage all the time, but I don't know where I'm going, and I sure as hell won't know where to pick up my luggage when we arrive in Beijing.--

 On the train we are surprised to find that we are not staying together. Tiff is assigned to a room with two young Swedish girls and I have been given the top bunk in a room with three 50 year old Chinese men. The train has been open for only a few minutes but none of the men are wearing shoes and only one is wearing a shirt. This is a recipe for farts.

 Tiff has an open bunk in her room, I make it clear to the porter that I will be staying there. We pay a little cash and I’m able to buy the extra bunk with the Swedish girls and my girlfriend. I think we all agree this is a much better option.

 We talk for a bit and then watch a movie on my computer, it's dark by now and there is nothing to look at out the window, the dining car serves no drinks and only one “food” item which looks like a non-refrigerated Hungry Man Dinner. I consider trying it for the story but I don't want diarrhea that badly. We eat a sleeve of Chinese Pringles each and we settle in for the night. Tiff and I toss and turn most of the night, the train is hermetically sealed and there is no moving air. To make it worse whenever I feel the train change speed, which happens a LOT, I assume we’re about to have a head on collision with another train.

This is what I look like right now in this story

 As the sun rises we are pulling into Beijing and it looks like Tijuana on a bad day. Roofless houses, piles of used up tires waiting to be used 2 or 3 more times, poor, dirty people smoking cigarettes, kids in the streets dodging shitty 3 wheeled motorcycles. It’s not nice or exotic, it’s just messed up and sad.

We get to the train station, say our goodbyes to the Swedes and head outside to look for a subway station.

The Fartless Swedes

Our hotel is 20 cents and 2 train stops away, but after surveying the area and looking at our luggage we decide to wait in line with the rest of the good people of Beijing. The black market taxis try for our business but Tiff walks right on by. I feel the need to tell the man “no, thank you” but Tiff doesn’t, she walks past without a second glance, I wish I had her cold, black heart, but I don't, I need to treat people like they have a soul. We've been in line for a cab about 30 minutes, and as we're nearing the taxi stand, the police decide they need to move their van, it won’t start, which is sad and makes us consider robbing a bank. After several tries it comes to life with a “let me die” cough and begins to crop dust the entire taxi line with thick, carcinogenic exhaust, it's almost like being sprayed with a fine mist of gasoline and Communism.

Just to break it up a little, here's a pic of me and the Beijing Train Station

 We get our taxi, point out a spot on the map and he takes off into one of the most complicated U-turn situations I have ever seen. We must have gone a 2 miles and taken 9 lefts in the wrong direction trying to get headed north. Luckily, the cab is cheap and we have plenty of time. He drops us off only a few blocks from our hotel. “Close enough”, we're finding, is a common credo of China’s cab drivers. We walk up the street to where our hotel should be only to find that it’s a Peking duck restaurant. We decide, after consulting the map that it “must be around here somewhere” and begin walking the perimeter of a super mall. It is not there. Frustrated, I stop at the tourist travel help desk and shove my way through the plastic garbage jewelry store at the front to the help desk at the rear. The girl there is very nice and talks me through the fact that I don’t know right from left. She writes our address and hotel name in Chinese and we are on our way. After consulting a cop we make her left instead of the right I thought we should take. As we walk down the street past Cartier shops and the Hilton I start to feel better. If our hotel is in this neighborhood it's GOT to be nice, right?

Keep Reading!!

An Old School Blog About China Part 2

A few minutes later, when we find the street our hotel is on, that feeling leaves. Our hotel is on THIS street?

Correction, this filthy ALLEY

Didn't we pass this shit hole on the way into town? It’s a local street, which means is smells like cabbage, feet, dumplings, urine, hot grease and burning hair, never all at once, but changing and rotating step by step. I tell Tiff, that if we find our hotel on this street we need to be in before dark. We are looking for number 35 and we’re passing lucky number 13 when I see the construction site coming up fast. It looks like they've crushed building numbers 23 into the mid 60s and they’re blocking the road to make more room for the palatial Waldorf Astoria which sits comfortably on the main road, one clean block over. We ask the construction men where the hotel is, they give us some pointing, grunting directions and when we turn to walk back the way we came, they begin to laugh.
All of them.
Hard.

This is the most I've ever heard the Chinese laugh yet, cumulatively, not a particularly jocular group of people, but I haven’t seen much reason to be. The last (and first) Chinese laugh I heard was from that cab driver who was laughing BECAUSE HE COULD NOT READ. We have come to a fork in our journey; go to back where we came and start again or follow the directions of the jokey construction workers and see what happens next. We choose our own adventure, roll the dice and see what happens. We follow the construction worker's “directions” make two lefts, and HOT DAMN! 30 yards up the road, HOTEL flashes in red.

We found it.

We walk into the reception area and talk to the nice Engrish speaking cliché that is running the front desk. It is 10 am and we can check in at 1:00.

 “1:00?” We ask. 
“1:00” she says. “Your room will be ready at 3:00”
“3:00 or 1:00?”
“Right” she says.
 “1:00?”
“No, 3:00.”
“Okay, 3:00.”
 “Oh, and there won’t be any hot water from tonight, (May 20th) at midnight until the 27th”. But we can swim and shower at a 5 star hotel and they’ll give us a coupon.
 “Where is it?”
“It’s close.”

Good enough, no point in arguing. Arguing doesn’t make hot water and if she gave us an address we couldn't understand it anyways. We leave our stuff at reception and take off walking, headed toward the Forbidden City. If you've never seen the Forbidden City It’s HUGE.

And I mean like 8 Vegas hotels huge.    

There are 8700 rooms in The Forbidden City and we’re allowed to see inside about 10% of them. They’re all like ball rooms, 3 to 6 stories tall and open. Even the living quarters are huge open rooms. 

 The throne rooms, and there are several, are just huge ornate rooms with a throne in the middle.  

There are enormous courtyards

and a 52 meter wide moat to keep everyone without 6 dollars out. 

 Michael stops us, he’s a tour guide and for 80Y will get us inside quick and show us the REAL Forbidden City. Tiff walks on but I talk to him, the guide book we have says to ignore these guys but I don’t have that in me, I have to let him down easy.
 “We’re good” I say.
 “You don‘t want to wait in this big long line with all these morons do you?”

This Woman's shirt says "Guggi"

“Yeah, kinda. We’ll be fine, thanks for your help.”
 "I'm an artist"
 "Me too"
 He leaves us alone. The line full of morons takes 4 minutes, all of it is spent shoving or being shoved. The Chinese don’t understand waiting your turn, which makes me proud to be a turn-waiting American. The Forbidden City is crowded, I liked it better back when it was forbidden.

  It’s magical and all that but I’m bored in about 40 minutes. 

All the buildings are sealed off, and the windows are jammed with people wielding cameras.

We won’t get to see what we saw until we can download the pictures later. This is dead history, it’s glassed, sealed and out of reach. I’m a hands-on children’s museum guy. I don’t care for art museums and I would be fine with 7 photos of this.
It's big. I get it.
Old. I get it.
Ornate. Saw it at the entrance. 

We walk almost straight though the city because, praise His name, Tiff’s feet hurt, which takes a close second to my boredom.

Tiff heard about a bar we should check out in a cool part of the city. We try a cab but he doesn’t won’t take us for less than 100Y (about 10 bucks) Not a lot for a cab at home but it's 10X the usual price here. A black market cabbie says he knows where it is and he’ll take the job for 60Y. It’s a 14Y cab ride but we’re thirsty and rich. We jump in his black Volkswagen and take off, 2 blocks later someone cuts him off, and he gets road rage. 


Like ROAD. RAGE. 


 And starts driving like Chinese Dale Earnhardt's ghost, swearing and yelling, I turn on my video camera and Tiff grabs my arm. He cuts back and forth in front of some guy, who probably has no idea what he's done to raise the ire of this wack job but plays along. The two go back and forth, cutting each other off, slamming on brakes and yelling at each other until we get to our turn…our driver hesitates...do I let him go?...You can hear the wheels turning in his head... he hesitates... almost decides to lets his prey go free, and then CHANGES HIS MIND!!! Fuck it! I am going to KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!! 


We scream across 3 lanes and almost hit a bus so we can continue the hunt. Tiff is now cutting my circulation off at my wrist. Our driver is yelling and I’m taping the scene. Traffic, horrifically, comes to a stop, our driver pulls his E brake, opens the door gets out and and starts yelling in the middle of the road, Tiff is telling me to open the door and RUN but I’m curious as to how far this will go, plus, we are in the middle of the highway. 
The other guy can now see that he is dealing with a guy who thinks Geto Boys lyrics are real, so he cuts off a couple cars, shoves his way into an illegal bus lane makes his escape. Like a gazelle escaping the clutches of a lion. Run free gazelle, live to chew thoughtfully for another day. 


Our guy is mad and he lets us know as best he can but he might as well be giving us his grandmother’s recipe for chocolate chip cookies for all we know. We are now a couple miles off course and he’s obviously lost, we drive to the area we’re supposed to be in and he tries to get us to agree to go to a mall. We say no. He drives us to a Russian bar and tries to tell us it’s the place. We point our spot out on the map and he drives on. Obviously upset with the decision he’s made to let us in his car. We’re now driving in circles. He wants us out but we’re not getting out until we see Paddy’s Pub. 
Fifteen minutes of driving circles and I spot it out my window. We are all happy. We had agreed on 60. He wants 100, and honestly, after living through the ride I think it's worth it, but I say 70, Tiff hits me, I say 80 and he agrees. When we get out the cab, Tiff let’s me know that we agreed on 60 and I’m a moron for paying a cent more. We walk to the pub and I have never had a more refreshing beer in my life. 

58: Covered in Patches

Nate's friend Patches comes over to wreck Tiff's little white house and her perfect little picket fence, proverbally of course.

57: Lisbon Redux

I understand the first time I posted this it wasn't the whole show. THIS is the whole show

57: Live in Portugal

I hate museums. There, I said it.

56: I Don't Know How People Have Babies

"who has the balls to search for kiddie porn?"